


Crossfire

by bluexwolf



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 18x25, Demon Dan - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, Loss of Virginity, Lots of Angst, M/M, NO SUICIDAL ACTIONS, No Incest, No Suicidal Thoughts, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Rebound Sex, Smut, Triggers, its not all smut i swear, young dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8784886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluexwolf/pseuds/bluexwolf
Summary: Younger Dan has begun to haunt Older Dan. Phil begins to fall in love with the 18-year-old, and Older Dan has to face the nightmares and horror that Younger Dan brings him as he takes advantage of Phil's life as well as his own.





	1. Rainfall

Heavy rain rattled the entire house. The amount of lightning and thunder illuminates the entirety of the sky in the grayest of gray.

Daniel James Howell, a twenty-five-year-old boy just verging on 6”3 was sitting cross-legged on the edge of a windowsill with his eyes closed and his breathing relaxed in a euthymic manner. In and out. In his hands, he held a mug of tea that was in a neutral state; hot but not enough to burn his tongue or hands in the process of sipping from the cup or accidentally missing the side table and spilling it all over his No Face sweater.

His mind was filled with images of the constellations and planets aligning the sky. Even when he tried his hardest, he could never remember the order that the planets went in. He only remembered that Saturn was his favorite planet, whether it was because of the dark atmosphere or the literal ring of protection surrounding it he could not seem to decide.

The candles placed in various places amongst the room were burning with an eternal flame, the wax seemingly never melting. The scent radiating off of them was a perfect combination of Dan’s comfort smell: grass, trees, and cinnamon. The smell mixes with the sweet and sour aroma coming from the kitchen where Phil has stood making a chicken stir-fry. Dan could hear the pans clinking and the soft beeps of the microwave as Phil heated up the freshly picked broccoli.

Every sense was clashing together in a mix of emotions. Dan’s imagination shifted from the sky full of colors to a time when he was younger; a time where his actions took a negative turn on his life at university. He had dropped out and his parents were not happy about it. Dan had tried to explain to them that he didn’t want to be a lawyer and that he wanted to make videos but they didn’t get nor want to understand the concept of Dan’s wants. He made a hard noise in the back of his throat.

His train of thought is disturbed by a loud blast of lightning. Dan opens his eyes slightly every moment until they fully adjusted to the darkened room. His head subconsciously rolls to the side and he’s greeted with the streets that were empty physically and emotionally as they were drowned out by the water droplets. Just between the leaves of the tree a few feet away from the window, he could make out a woman-- maybe in her mid-60's-- trying to close up her flower shop while she covers her head to shield herself from the harsh weather. The tree's dying leaves blew to the side, blocking Dan's view. When the leaves departed, the woman was gone and the shop’s lights were off. The storefront cement was wet in patches where the rain just barely reached it from the coverage of the trees. The shading of the cement made patterns in the hard rock walls.

There was one flower pot that the lady had forgotten to take in, Dan noticed,--a lavender flower with the most delicate of stems that it would seem that the tiniest touch would be able to break it off. But throughout the loud waves of the God's above throwing insults at each other, the flower stayed in one piece, showing a dominance over the world trying to harm it. Dan sighed as he realized that the flower reminded him strongly of Phil.

Dan put down his tea and picked up his spiral notebook. He held the mechanical pencil in his mouth as he thought of something-- anything to write about. His brain went through a series of story ideas and plot twists to go with current stories he knew he’d never write. All he ever got in was a few pages at most, he’d never gotten in a full chapter. His friends and family had encouraged him to write more often, but most of the time Dan didn’t have the energy to even try. All of his writing had either ended up in the bin or on a file he never opened on his computer. His senses were constantly overpowered by something in the area, and currently, all Dan could think about was the sound of Phil’s soft humming to the tune of Aladdin. Even over the pouring rain still eating away at the house, Dan could always seem to hear something relating to Phil. A smile tinted Dan's lips as he hoisted himself off of the windowsill and put his possessions back onto the side table and strode into the kitchen.

And there Phil stood, tossing around green beans and asparagus while the oven’s heat radiated steam off and onto his face. He had his headphones in and his hips were swaying from side-to-side along with whatever he was listening to. Phil reached his hand up to turn off the stove and grabbed some paper plates from the cupboards beneath the sink. Steam boiled off of the pan as he took it off of the hot burner and placed it onto another one. He was completely oblivious to the figure standing behind him. Dan leaned against the doorway and smirked when he saw one of Phil’s earbuds fall out. As Phil bent down to retrieve the headphone, Dan pushed his way off of the doorway and placed his hands on Phil’s hips, causing Phil to stand up straight and let out a yelp of surprise. When Phil turned his head to the side, Dan could see a rosy blush covering his cheeks as Phil realized who it was. He was breathing hard to calm down and Dan could feel Phil’s heartbeat running at a mile a minute. The hot food from the metal pan was filling the room with steam, but Phil was hot for another reason.

“Food is ready...” Phil said breathlessly, still trying to gather oxygen. He spun around in Dan’s arms, half-expecting Dan to let go of his hips. Instead; however, Dan just tightened his grip on the older man’s hips and slid his hands up to Phil’s shoulders. The bright pink color on Phil’s cheeks shifted to a crimson as Dan reached around him and grabbed silverware for the both of them, still not letting his right hand off of Phil’s shoulder. The tension between the both was undeniable, and Phil desperately wanted to relieve said tension. He knew that he still had feelings for Dan, even since the day they ended things in late 2010 for it being too complicated with affection in public and the secrecy of it all.

Dan placed the silverware down on the counter behind Phil and backed off of him, giving a small smirk along with a subtle, “You look thirsty, Lester”. The tease. Phil thought. As soon as Dan turned his back, Phil grabbed his hand and pushed his back flush against the wall. Dan groaned in agitation as he was trapped in-between both of Phil’s muscular hands. Dan turned his head to make eye contact with Phil. As soon as the bear’s eyes met the lion’s, it was all over. Phil made sure to keep the intense stare as he slowly leaned in. Dan tried to pry his wrists from behind his back to no accomplishment. Phil had pinned them hard to the wall and wasn’t letting go anytime soon.

 

Phil’s lips were inches away from Dan’s when an outside breeze snuffed out the candles surrounding them, leaving them in a terrifying sense of loneliness and emptiness. 

 

An audible sigh could be heard from the both of them as Phil let go of Dan’s wrists and put his forehead to his. Dan's breath smelled like a minty leaf from a fresh plant from the tea that he was drinking just moments ago. Not too much sugar, but just enough to where it might have tasted like actual sweet tea from the Mexican restaurant down the street. Their mouths breathed into each other's until Phil took his forehead off of Dan's and proceeded to navigate his way through the darkness to try and find the light switch to the kitchen. The younger boy was left to shake his head in disbelief at what had just happened. What had just /almost/ happened. He put his head in his hands and breathed deeply, trying to process everything. 

He heard a loud crash from the space a few feet in front of him and raised his face up to investigate. "Phil?" He called out in a concerned tone. He heard a groan in response from the floor as a dark figure raised up similar looking to a zombie rising from the dead. "Oh my god, you spork, did you _fall_?" Dan was now trying to conceal his laughter with his shoulder as Phil called out, "It's not _funny_!"

Phil had finally found the light switch in the living room and pulled it up, filling the room with light. He then continued to blow out all of the candles in the room along with the ones in the kitchen after finding the light switch to that room as well. After further investigation, Phil also discovered that he had knocked a chair over after falling, all the while Dan was laughing. Even now, he was still snorting into his sleeve instead of helping Phil clean up the mess he had made of the chairs.

Dan already had the bandages out from the cabinet, hoisting Phil up onto the counter without warning as he cleaned up the cuts he knew Phil already had. He cleaned them with a wet washcloth and placed a bandage over them. He ran upstairs to grab some mouthwash, passing by the window where the rain was still pounding like fists on a wooden board. He passed by the trash can where all of his failed writing attempts lay, but he decided over thinking about the negative moments when he was already still giggling from Phil's mishap. He ran back downstairs with the blue, foul-tasting mouthwash and a paper towel. He was so giggly that he almost accidentally tripped down the stairs, which he was /sure/ Phil would make fun of him for. Dan couldn't exactly blame him, though. Most likely Dan falling down the stairs would be karma for all the shit he had just given Phil.

Phil was still waiting on top of the counter by the time Dan had gotten back down. He obeyed Dan's orders to lift his knees up on the counter to show Dan his bruises. They weren't a purple color, but they would soon be if Dan didn't do something about it. He first took the mouthwash and placed a fair amount onto a paper towel and then applied it to Phil's damaged knees. It stung a small bit, but Phil wasn't complaining. He had done this to himself.

 

The food was well cold by now, but neither of them minded. As they grabbed their plates, small chuckles were had here and there as they recalled on what had just happened. They placed the still hot broccoli onto their plates and headed into the next room over. They relished in how good the cold chicken and small trees tasted. And while they ate in the living room with an episode of Buffy playing softly in the background, they talked about what was going on with each other. Tumblr posts they saw, whether Dan had had any existential crisis' that evening or not and whether or not they should get a hamster. Dan ultimately decided no, which resulted in Phil giving him the cold stare for the rest of the episode. They had completely forgotten the events that previously took place, and after Dan and Phil had gone to their respective rooms in the house, Dan couldn't help but wonder why he still felt the hard gaze of someone watching him from the other room. Phil had gone off to bed, but Dan was sure it was just deja-vu from earlier. He usually had dreams that lead to future events, so this could just as easily be the same scenario. 

He looked up at his Panic! At The Disco poster above his bed and smiled with an upturned smirk that showed him thinking of something inappropriate. Dan had a few light-hearted chuckles before laying his head down on his white pillows and falling asleep to the sound of the rain knocking three times at the door.


	2. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has a nightmare, and Phil is there to fix it. (Or is he?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warnings: Past Sexual Abuse.

In Dan’s dream, the sky was darkened to almost a pure black with an exception of a few stars here and there. He brushed his hair to the side and coughed. The air was muggy and stiff, much like a swamp or on a humid day of the year. All around him were faces of people he once knew. People he once knew to be caring like his parents and people he once knew to be disgusting but had turned into agreeable and admirable lads like his bully from high school.

  
The individuals standing in a circle around him were misty like a ghost in an old movie. They lit up the room one by one and stared at Dan intensely. They had mad looks on their faces, like if someone had broken your headphones after you had pushed them over out of a chair. A low growl could be heard from one of the people standing behind him, and that’s when Dan got frightened.

  
They mocked him with harsh words and times from his past. Images of his parents yelling at him and slapping him until he ‘got some common sense’ filled his brain. The day when he was kicked out of his first apartment when he couldn’t afford the rent and the exact words Phil had said when he broke up with him. Tears filled Dan’s eyes as they continued to torment him.

  
Everything that Dan had feared was literally all around him. They were screaming at him with blackened eyes to let go of the future and live in the past--they constantly stopped mid-sentence and reminded him of his insecurities. How he’d should never have dropped out, never should have made the decisions he did, how he should never have met Phil.

  
He pushed his sleeves up to reveal his wrists and started scratching lightly at them to relieve some stress from his body. The growling got louder and louder until Dan didn't have to strain to hear it anymore. The lights from the bodies slowly died down and suddenly--Dan was in complete darkness. His breathing stopped and so did everything around him. And Dan realized that his worst fear had just begun: being alone.

  
It was like time stopped. A small ticking could no longer be heard. The only audible sound was a small breeze of the wind in what seemed like a tunnel. The deafening silence was the only thing that stood in Dan’s way of feeling safe. That--and the overwhelming fear of something grabbing his legs and pulling him off into the dark abyss. He rubbed his wrists raw and began to bite the inside of his jaw, tearing a small chunk of skin off in the process. His eyes were stuck on one spot on the ground, too scared to look up in case there was something there.

  
At least there wasn’t the girl from The Ring riding a moth through a dark forest in the middle of the night, Dan thought. This situation could not get any worse than it already was. His began to taste metallic in his mouth, signaling that he had bitten too deep. His eyes were now firmly shut into tight balls of anxiety and stress. Dan declared his knees useless as they failed to support his weight and he dropped to the ground.

  
His head was down in his hands for the second time that night, but not because of a burning passion. Dan’s whole body was shaking with abhorrence. The tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes remained in place, but not for long.

  
A shadow blacker than the black surrounding Dan approached him. He saw it but knew he mustn't move. The strange visions were right. He should have become a lawyer. Then he never would have met Phil. Dan knew that this is what life had in store for him. All of his insecurities and negative emotions came back from years ago and tortured him with all they had.

  
The figure stopped just a few feet away from Dan. All he could hear was his own heartbeat thumping in his throat as he slowly looked up into the eyes of---himself?

  
There stood Dan, but younger. He had to be at least 18 by the looks of it. His fringe was way too long for comfort as he resembled a skinny emo boy from the early 2000s. His eyes were a dark black, not the same as they were now and his skin tone was close to the color of caramel. His entire body was much skinnier as it was now, and his soothing whistle of air he let out as Dan’s mouth dropped out was high-pitched and girly-like. The entire individual was different from current Dan in every way. His voice, his clothing style, and his insecurities. But both current Dan and the fuckboy who had just walked up to him knew that that wasn’t completely true. Most of the insecurities Dan had as a teenager were still with him today. And as he thought about it more and more, he came to the conclusion that he really hadn’t changed that much after all.

  
The boy spoke softly, feigning innocence. “Daniel.” He said in a whisper, gesturing a hand to the man still kneeling on the ground. “Daniel, please stand up.” His voice was calm and his eyes had a soft look to them. The air around Dan suddenly felt warm and comforting. The present Dan’s scared frown closed. In the presence of his own body, a body he knew everything about, Dan felt safer. More at home.

  
The fetus boy stretched out his hand and made eye contact with his older self. In a whisper, he said, “I’m here, Dan. No one is going to hurt you.”

 

  
_No one is going to hurt you._

 

  
_Dan’s eyes widened. His heart was beating faster and faster. His head was spinning and he felt like vomiting. The sick feelings in his stomach blew up and he threw up all over the dark floor. As he licked the disgusting fluid from his lips, he realized that those were the exact same words Phil had used on him after Dan had been abused. But the problem was, that he had been hurt after Phil had said that._

  
_“Please, stop!” Dan yelled, his voice hoarse. His girlfriend Cian, a girl he had loved for a total of two years ago had come home drunk one night after a couple hours at a bar. She had banged on the wall and screamed at Dan before to the point where the neighbors had called the police. This just made Cian even angrier. She stomped off to her room in Dan’s apartment and slammed the door so hard that the paintings on the wall shook. Dan had sobbed silently in his room that night. But what he didn’t know is that the next time he cried, it would be out of pure pleasure. A pleasure that he hated. A pleasure that no one in the world deserved to feel. A pleasure that would radiate from the other person but it never really reached you._

  
_This pleasure messes you up emotionally for the rest of your life. You are left to think that you gave yourself the feeling and it’s all your fault and no matter how often people tell you that it wasn’t your fault you can’t help to think that it was. You couldn’t protect yourself from what wa coming and therefore everything was your fault. You constantly look over your shoulder in fear of someone being there to try and do it all over again. And you know that if they tried then they would succeed, because if you couldn’t defend yourself the first time how could you the second time around if there was one?_

  
_The night it happened was filled with misery and messy tissues._

_The day was hot and humid, filling the apartment with condensation and Dan’s face with sweat. It was late at night, and the air had gotten slightly cooler, but that didn’t stop Dan from wearing shorts and no t-shirt. Cian had gone out for a night of drinking and driving with her druggie friends again, but Dan didn’t mind. He learned to like the times when Cian wasn’t around, mostly because it gave his already-existing bruises time to heal. He could sit down and watch Winnie-the-Pooh without Cian turning off the TV and yelling at him about how it was stupid for a grown teenager to be watching a children’s show. He could nap during the day-time and take long, hot baths when he wanted to without having to feel Cian’s boobs on his chest every time she insisted taking a bath with Dan. He never enjoyed and of the times she was around, she just wasn’t a very pleasant person to be with in general._

  
_Dan had thought that he loved Cian for the two years that they were together. But one night, everything changed dramatically._

  
_Cian had come home from the bar downtown, and her hands were raking up and down Dan’s naked body. He cursed himself for noting wearing a shirt due to the humidity that night. Dan had tried to push Cian off of him, but her hands were glued to his hips and her lips to his neck. He could feel the purple hickies forming on the sensitive skin, and he groaned at the feeling. It felt good, but not in the way someone would feel in this situation normally. Dan wanted Cian as far away from his as possible but he knew he had no way of escaping her death grip on his wrists. His hands were being tied to the bed, he realized, and he tried--more firmly--to tell Cian to get the fuck off. Dan’s legs were still free at the moment, and he kicked and shoved his legs at Cian’s hands, trying to keep her from trying the rest of him down. His legs had failed him, and he was stuck tied to the bed breathing heavily as he tried to calm down. Dan could call for help and the neighbours would hear him, but that was a gag going down his throat. Tears began to stiff their way out of his eyes._

_Ten minutes later, Cian was bouncing up and down on Dan’s manhood and Dan was shuddering and crying and trying to call for help around the gag still in his mouth but he couldn’t._

  
_All of this was his fault._

  
_He let himself be vulnerable to all of this. He did this to himself. He brought this fate to himself._

  
_And all of the sudden the door opened and Phil walked in, eyeing the whole scene. Cian didn’t even stop, still sliding her hips against Dan’s and making noises too loud to be moaning. Dan felt dirty. He felt dirty all over and all he needed was a cold shower. Phil’s eyes widened as he fully took in the scene unfolding in front of him. His instincts kicked in and in a blink of motion Cian was being throw off the bed and onto the floor. The screaming turned to crying as Cian acted like the victim of all of this. She said things along the lines of ‘Dan said we could do this together,’ and, ‘He liked it! He did!’_

_Dan’s clothes had been picked up off the floor along with a new shirt from his dresser and Phil was leading him down the stairs and out of his own apartment. As soon as they reached the park Dan broke down in Phil’s arms. Phil had smoothed Dan’s hair down and placed kisses all over his face. His nose, cheeks and forehead were littered with the feeling of Phil’s lips. They replaced the horrid feeling of Cian’s lips with his. A warmth spread through him and suddenly he felt safe again. He could trust Phil._

  
_“Shh, Dan. It’s okay.”_

  
_Dan wanted to believe that--he really did. But something told he that he wouldn’t be okay for a long time._

  
_“No one is going to hurt you anymore.”_

  
_The beating of his heart was loud in his ears, and the small figure standing in front of him slowly turned into a monster. His soft brown eyes turned to pure black and a smirk replaced a smile as he grabbed Dan’s hand and pulled him into darkness._

 

And then Dan was tucked into his bed with the black and gray sheets over his body and his head on Phil’s chest.

 

_You’re going to get hurt._


	3. Lost in the Sea of Suns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan gets a surprise visit from someone he hadn't seen in years, but some things have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. An overwhelming fear of something.
> 
> 2\. Suddenly.

I was shaking. From my head to my toes I was covered in tremors that sent chills through my body even if I had three layers of blankets over my flannel pajamas. My hands were clammy when I squeezed them together and my head hurt like a bitch. I squinted my eyes to try to see the clock on the other side of the room. 7:00. I looked to the side and slowly realized that there was sunlight blaring in from the window onto my brown hair, which was lying on Phil’s bare chest. As I moved my head up to face him, his eyes met mine. I had one question in the back of my mind as Phil started to move my hair behind my ear.

 

  
“What are you doing here?” I asked him, not trying to sound like I didn’t want him here, because I most certainly did.

 

  
He made a sideways glance at the clock and then turned his head back to me, groaning. “Seven o'clock, kiddo. Time for breakfast.” Phil said while grabbing his glasses from the bedside table. I shuddered at the nickname. It made me feel like I was a child in their headspace and Phil was the guardian taking care of me. I rolled over and pulled the sheets over my head. It wasn’t abnormal for Phil to magically end up in my bed, but it still hurt to think that me and him used to cuddle in between kisses and whispered ‘I love you’s.’

 

  
I suspected Phil had turned over because he had giggled under his breath and ruffled my soft hair. His chest was pressed up against me. I breathed in his smell: a mix of cologne with a slight tint of lavender. Lavender, I thought back to the flower from the night before and wondered if it could have survived the entire storm. I made a mental reminder to check after I’d gotten the strength to leave Phil’s scent and get out of bed.

 

  
Any strength I had left was shattered when Phil put his arm around my body and started spooning me. His breath tickled my neck and I found myself snuggling into his big arms and closing my eyes once again.

 

  
“What happened to getting up?” I murmured. Phil took a deep breath and brought his head around mine to look down at my still closed eyes. He breathed out a simple, “You looked cute, so I thought I’d stay.” And he lied back down just like that. Like his words didn’t impact me like they did seven years ago. I huffed out a breath and put my head back down. I opened my mouth and willed myself to say something to him. Phil needed to be put into his place. He couldn’t talk to me like this and then not do anything. He couldn’t just play with my heart and make me feel things I know he doesn’t feel anymore. I told my heart to shut up, that it needs to shut these feeling out forever before it got hurt.

 

  
But the truth was, I was already hurt.

 

  
The breeze from the window signified that it would be a warm summer day probably filled with watching My Neighbour, Totoro and drinking gallons of shitty coffee. The birds were singing and the resting wasps outside were buzzing with fury and fierceness as they fought to the death with the other colonies nearby. The neighbors were most likely watering their plants based on the fact that the side of their house was either still plastered with rain or they accidentally sprayed the hose against the wall. I decided on the latter.

 

  
“Would you like to go to the library this evening, Dan?” Phil asked me. I considered it for a moment. An afternoon spent with Phil in a quiet environment filled with books. I pursed my lips into a thin line. “Do I have a choice?” I asked him, dread lacing my voice. Phil flicked my head and I let out a quiet ‘ow.’

 

  
“No, not really.” Phil replied.

 

  
I let out a long sigh of exasperation. A trip to the library wouldn’t have been bad if it wasn’t for Phil’s scent still enveloping me. It took me into a soft slumber before and it was doing the same to me now. It was lulling me to go to sleep in Phil’s arms and to never let him go. I didn’t want to anyways, but as Phil said, I didn’t have much of a choice.

 

  
“Yes, Phil, I’ll go with you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The library was empty. The only people there were Phil and I and the ladies at the counter. They greeted us when we walked in. Around them were pots of flowers and carts of books that hadn’t been checked back into the library yet. Audiobooks were stacked behind this one lady and an abundance of DVD’s ranging from history to children’s TV shows. The vending machines in the corner were buzzing and just now lightning up at the approach of someone. The coffee dispenser was out of order, so there goes my fun.

 

  
I let out a small smile at the ladies and continued walking, not sure of where I was going. Apparently Phil was leading the way because he started heading towards the animal section.

 

 

  
Typical Phil.

 

 

  
I followed Phil down the stairs and into the tall shelves of dusty, old books about all of the different types of animals including amphibians and mammals. I could see Phil’s eyes light up as he saw a book about all the current different varieties of cats, starting with the infamous Tabby Cat on the front. The chairs were vacant on the other side of the room, so I went and sat down next to the small cabinet of magazines and picked up the first one I got. Phil was preoccupied with other things such as saying ‘aww’ every five seconds when he turned the page in his book. He must have gone through about four books by the time I had sat down.

 

  
The magazine I was reading was about boy’s fashion. On the front was the male lead of a makeup brand I had never heard of, and I internally high-fived that man for not giving a fucking fuck about what his friends or family thought about him being a makeup lead. I licked my fingers like a rich white girl and turned the page, immediately seeing abs and fedoras littering the pages. Holy shit, was all that was going through my mind at the moment. I looked back to where Phil had previously stood to find him going through another section of the library even further from where I sat in my red velvet chair, reading a boy’s fashion magazine. I laughed at the familiarity of it.

 

  
When I was a young boy I would always want to go to the library to--in secret, of course--read the magazines with the cute boys on them. I didn’t know what that meant at the time, seeing as though I didn’t even know what a sexuality was at the time. My parents eventually saw me reading a magazine from the adult section that had two almost naked men on the front kissing each other. They didn't take me back to the library ever again until I was old enough to drive myself there after passing my driver's test on the first time. They were so proud of me. They wouldn't be if they knew that I was sneaking off to read porny magazines when they thought I was at PJ's, my best friend since Kindergarten.

 

PJ had been there for more when no one else was. He was there for me to tell my secrets to and he was there when I needed to rant about female rights that one night in Los Vegas when I got a little too high. He was there for me when Phil wasn't, even if Phil had an excuse not to be there. PJ had helped me slap out of my teenage girl phase and back into reality.

 

 

No, really.

 

He fucking hit me.

 

 

I had come to him crying about Phil for the second time that week and in the middle of the park, where parents lay having picnics with their kids and their pets, he slapped some sense into me. He looked me in the eye and told me to deal with my feelings until I forgot about them. It seemed like really good advice at the time. I wish he was here with me, sitting in the matching blue chair next to me telling me about some cute gay boys he saw in the food court the other day like he always did.

 

But I was doing okay without him. That's something I hadn't been able to say in a long time.

 

 

I shook the thoughts out of my mind and continued reading the magazine. I flipped through articles and articles and nothing seemed to interest me until this woman caught my eye. I thought she was one of the librarians until she looked at me in the eye and shook her head. Frantically, she said, "Please help me! She's following me! She won't stop!" She screamed at me. I thought she must have been crazy for yelling in a library, but then I remembered that this lady might be in trouble. "Please!" She yelled. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and my eyes widened. The woman grabbed my hand and hauled me upwards like she was the strongest girl in the world. The magazine fell out of my lap as I tumbled forward, my hand still in her's. I looked back to the world section of the library to try and gesture Phil to come with me, when I realized that everything around me was in a white haze. All of the bookshelves were gone, including the people, including Phil. Everything was gone and me and this lady were standing in a sea of nothingness.

 

The girl pulled me into the Young Adult section of the library, the place I had always come to read cheesy romance novels of vampires who glistened in the light and had self-identity issues. She pulled my arm closer to hers and inveloped me in a tight hug. She was so strong I had to catch my breath when she squeezed me. "She's here..." The girl said, trying to hide behind my tall figure. A dark figure popped out of nowhere as if I had missed her the first time I entered this hazy mess. Her curves were the exact same as the girl's behind me and her hair was slightly shorter than her's. As the figure came into the light more, I realized it /was/ the girl behind me--just--younger.

 

The figure started closer and I knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good. I got ready to fight whoever it was, despite my skinny, wimpy self.

 

  
But it wasn't heading for me.

 

  
"Save yourself." Were the girl's last words before she burst into particles and both her and the shadowy figure disappeared. I was completely left alone once again with an overwhelming ear of loneliness. I wanted Phil to be here to comfort me. I wanted PJ to magically appear in front of my eyes like the girl did. I needed someone to come save me from this hell I had re-entered.

 

And then they did. Phil and PJ were there in a split-second, running towards me out of the light. They hugged me and grabbed my hands and cried into my shoulders asking me if I was okay. I sighed into Phil's neck as he pushed the hair out of my face. I breathed in the scents of both of them, relishing in the feeling of feeling safe and comfortable around someone again. This meant I wasn't alone in this dream, I had the two most important people to me in my arms, actually concerned about my well being and my health.

 

I melted into their arms and cried tears of joy. I wasn't afraid to admit that I was fucking terrified of what was happening. I let myself let loose into the comfort of being with my family.

 

Phil stepped away first, then PJ. They tore my arms off of them and had looks on their faces like I had betrayed them. Then I noticed that their eyes looked heavy and tired, sunken in. The feeling of their arms were gone and so was the feeling of being safe. Their hurt looks turned to smirks before they offered their hands for me to take. And before them a third figure appeared behind them. It had the same body, same eyes and the same fake smile I'd had when I was eight-teen. Without me moving a muscle on my own, my arm outstretched into the palms of PJ and Phil's hands. I couldn't pull back.

 

It was then that PJ and Phil had gone rogue. Their faces turned to distressed ghosts that hadn't moved on to the afterlife and turned to dust before my eyes. "Dan!" I heard a far off voice say. My head was throbbing from all the emotions running through me. My eyes were locked on the third figure who still hadn't disappeared from my line of sight. I wanted him to go away--whatever he was. He was haunted my dreams and turned them into nightmares one after the other. "Dan!" I heard the voice again.

 

  
I knew this was just the beginning.

 

  
The boy outstretched his arm and--my shoulder was pulled back and all of the sudden I was in the library again. The books were there along with the bookshelves that they were places on. The old, dusty smell was back and the old lady in the corning organizing books was there once again. The figure was gone and so was PJ. But I still smelled--

  
"Dan, are you okay?" Phil asked urgently. "You totally walked off on me. I had no clue where you were!" He whisper-shouted. His eyebrows were creased and his face was placed in a temporary worry for me, or for my whereabouts. I didn't mind either. The lines on his forehead showed clearly. There was a thin line of sweat on his face, (probably from running around trying to find me).

 

  
But I wasn't paying attention. The only thing on my mind was why my shadow looked like it was in the exact same position the man from my nightmares had been in just moments before. My hand was still outstretched as a replica of how the boy had been doing it, and I had a devilish smirk on my face. I felt the desire to hurt something, or someone. A burning rage filled me until everything died down and my smirk loosened to a scared frown. I forced my arm down from it's position and looked Phil straight in the eyes.

 

"Take me home."

 

 


End file.
